Lost At Sea

Hi there,

So, the blog world seems really nice and kind and supportive and I'd love to share something that really feels like its eating away at my soul in every waking moment.

*melodrama*

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You see, I am so (sooooo) torn over my life: between work and well, everything else. I get that I am young and in college and this is my chance and so on and so on. But… it just doesn't feel right! I mean, my program is great but the work load is…conflicting!

I suppose school is meant to be tough (ugh) but does the rest of my life have to be too?

You see, I can't seem to get away from people just endorsing hard work and success, no matter the cost for your health or spirit. Everyone from my favourite authors to YouTubers to relatives to professors are forgoing sleep, exercise and all the lovely little nothings that make my life good, so that they can be successful.

Ok, even for the lucky ones (myself included, I guess), the ones who are pursuing the "great love of their life"—be it acting or painting or business or science—we are encouraged to completely dedicate ourselves to our chosen professions. Like, it's not enough for me to be a good interior designer or even just a totally average interior designer. Nope. I have to be the next Brian Gluckstein or something.

It's reached the point where I don't even know if want

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to be successful. Certainly not if it means late night after late night. Or not working out for a week. Or having to take lighting fast showers everyday. Or sacrificing my lazy weekend mornings. Or having to live in the freaking city. Yikes.

I don't mean to be difficult. Really. But I'm just petrified that my life will stay like this. Interior design, just like many other professions, can be really demanding. It's stressful with all those ruthless deadlines, nerve-wrecking legal considerations and a whole tsunami of other responsibilities.  Also, I suppose I have been impacted by a recent family loss, as I was so busy working to let myself be with my family when they needed it…that's a whole other book of regrets! Point is, all these fears make me feel like I'm a slacker.

A stubborn slacker for not wanting to work.

I'm torn. For me, work is work. No matter how much fun it can be sometimes, it's never going to be the greatest priority in my life. I'm not looking for greatness, after all. I dreamt of wealth, fame and all that when I was younger but now…I don't know. 

I mean, it would be nice to have funds for all my dreams and adventures but…

Well, I can't find a solution!!

But the internet did offer me some wisdom…if only I could make something of it.

Create a life that feels good on the inside. Not one that just looks good on the outside.

Simplicity. Less stuff, less work, less expense. It means more money, more time, more joy. Less equals more.

Travel as much as you can. As far as you can. As long as you can. Life's not meant to be lived in one place.

People wait all week for Friday. All year for summer. All life for happiness. Stop waiting.

So, anyone out there reading, have you ever felt this way? And did you ever find an answer?

—Sabbie

P.S. I'm trying to go tech-free this weekend! I'm loving away my phone and my laptop :) No social media, no texting, no Pinterest (!) and not even blogging! Just me, Vivaldi and Jane Austen. So, I guess I'll see the world again on Monday! xx